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So. I've been working out a way to write this and how to talk about it but I've come up with nothing, so I'm going to go by my usual plan and write whatever's coming out of my brain.
Tbh, that's probably not the best way of doing things, because for the last almost two weeks, I've been learning all about PR and Media, and a lot of it comes across as just bloody well keeping your mouth shut.
Well, a bit more than that, but it's something I'm not all that used to doing, to be honest with you, so I'll be taking an alternative route.
Yes, I have a new job. Away from Supermarkets and Sainsbury's and shitty soaps and suds. NO LONGER AM I A CLEANER! (Not that I am snobbish in any way - far from it, especially now I know what it's like - I just did not enjoy being judged and looked down by other people who assumed I lived a cleaner's lifestyle.) I mean, in a way, I've gone down the ladder, because I'm not actually *earning* anymore; nope, FREEDOM FROM CAPITALISM AND MONETARY SOCIETAL STRANGLEHOLD IS MINE!!! But also I have no money to live. So there is that.
I'm in London, and it's exciting. I'm pretty proud of myself too, and I'm not worried about saying that; living in a London postcode (albeit Zone 3 *shrug*) is something I wouldn't have felt, let alone been, able to do barely three months ago. I'm not sure what changed, but I've just paid my rent, I'm working in an interesting and creative industry (although "being taken advantage of" may be more appropriate since it's unpaid, but still, the experience at this time should hopefully be invaluable), and while I'm not sure it's even properly hit me yet, I am beginning to live my own life. My thoughts and wishes and wanderings are my own. I come back when I like, I eat what I like (and surprisingly healthy too! Note to self:BUY SWEETCORN! DONE!) and I think I'm enjoying it. It's been a bit topsy-turvy, confusing, in relation to my health and ability to think straight (change of sleep patterns + new living arrangements + LONDON + FT work + stress = WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED I DON'T EVEN HOW IS IT TUESDAY but on the whole, it's hugely exciting, beautifully liberating and very enjoyable. It sounds like I've missed a few arguments at home, which is nice, and I know this is going to sound a bit strange, but I'm beginning to have my own thoughts again. It happened when I went to Uni for the first time, and reversed when I had to go back home afterwards; instead of more-than-automatically cancelling thoughts before they can get out of the box, I'm beginning to (what I can only describe as) 're-feel' an authority in my own beliefs and critiques, I'm able to spend time on my ideas and be my own judge of whether they are worth voicing. It's one of the side-effects of living with an emotionally-unstable illiberal guardian that you end up keeping a lot of things to yourself and limiting what you say and I suppose think.
It's nice to think now that my creative (with a small 'c') side is on the road to recovery, slowly but surely, every day dissolving the fences I have laboured to put up the last few years; it's like one of those MAGIC! flannels that you had when you were younger (or maybe now, I don't know your flannel habits and tbh, I don't really want to) - add a bit of cool refreshing moisture, and it starts to breathe.
I don't know if that made ANY sense, and I feel very much like I'm coming across as a 13-year-old days before OMG ONE DIRECTION RELEASE THEIR TOUR TICKETS AND THEIR GOING SLIGHTLY NEAR MY HOUSE AND OMG I LOVE THEM #1Dfamily lovelove or something. [DISCLAIMER: I have no idea where the '1D' tour is going and frankly, I do not care.] I think that is probably because the tumblr and the twitter.
the tumblr makes me type in this tone when i only use lower case and have this sort of vaguely pensieve mood where i wonder stuff aloud and question the world through rhetorical questions without any punctuation
my inner linguist is going to look into that
My twitter makes me use CAPS and get excited and not really think about what I am typing, tbh. Also acronyms and I suppose run-on sentences? Alongside being pretty frank and not really worrying what people think of me. And I think write for me rather than anyone else - I'm not narrating an event, I'm just venting my challenges; it's not to you, it's at you. I hope to one day get some decorum back.
But yes, for now, everything from my home life to my writing style has changed, and I'm loving it.
Tbh, that's probably not the best way of doing things, because for the last almost two weeks, I've been learning all about PR and Media, and a lot of it comes across as just bloody well keeping your mouth shut.
Well, a bit more than that, but it's something I'm not all that used to doing, to be honest with you, so I'll be taking an alternative route.
Yes, I have a new job. Away from Supermarkets and Sainsbury's and shitty soaps and suds. NO LONGER AM I A CLEANER! (Not that I am snobbish in any way - far from it, especially now I know what it's like - I just did not enjoy being judged and looked down by other people who assumed I lived a cleaner's lifestyle.) I mean, in a way, I've gone down the ladder, because I'm not actually *earning* anymore; nope, FREEDOM FROM CAPITALISM AND MONETARY SOCIETAL STRANGLEHOLD IS MINE!!! But also I have no money to live. So there is that.
I'm in London, and it's exciting. I'm pretty proud of myself too, and I'm not worried about saying that; living in a London postcode (albeit Zone 3 *shrug*) is something I wouldn't have felt, let alone been, able to do barely three months ago. I'm not sure what changed, but I've just paid my rent, I'm working in an interesting and creative industry (although "being taken advantage of" may be more appropriate since it's unpaid, but still, the experience at this time should hopefully be invaluable), and while I'm not sure it's even properly hit me yet, I am beginning to live my own life. My thoughts and wishes and wanderings are my own. I come back when I like, I eat what I like (and surprisingly healthy too! Note to self:
It's nice to think now that my creative (with a small 'c') side is on the road to recovery, slowly but surely, every day dissolving the fences I have laboured to put up the last few years; it's like one of those MAGIC! flannels that you had when you were younger (or maybe now, I don't know your flannel habits and tbh, I don't really want to) - add a bit of cool refreshing moisture, and it starts to breathe.
I don't know if that made ANY sense, and I feel very much like I'm coming across as a 13-year-old days before OMG ONE DIRECTION RELEASE THEIR TOUR TICKETS AND THEIR GOING SLIGHTLY NEAR MY HOUSE AND OMG I LOVE THEM #1Dfamily lovelove or something. [DISCLAIMER: I have no idea where the '1D' tour is going and frankly, I do not care.] I think that is probably because the tumblr and the twitter.
the tumblr makes me type in this tone when i only use lower case and have this sort of vaguely pensieve mood where i wonder stuff aloud and question the world through rhetorical questions without any punctuation
my inner linguist is going to look into that
My twitter makes me use CAPS and get excited and not really think about what I am typing, tbh. Also acronyms and I suppose run-on sentences? Alongside being pretty frank and not really worrying what people think of me. And I think write for me rather than anyone else - I'm not narrating an event, I'm just venting my challenges; it's not to you, it's at you. I hope to one day get some decorum back.
But yes, for now, everything from my home life to my writing style has changed, and I'm loving it.