How do you stop finding things, especially people, annoying?

[upsticks]

I'm sitting in the South Bank Centre, wondering why I'm unhappy. I used to be happy, I think. I used to be happy with dips of low and now I'm low with dips of happy.

I have a job, and one that I love. Some great people and whether it finishes in May or not I'll have learnt so much and had a fabulous time doing it.

I'm not living with my parents anymore and I'm taking control of my life, even though I still don't feel independent of them as much as I'd like. But I did something and I'm proud of what I've achieved, and earning respect and a name for myself, which is something I've always wanted to do.

I'd like to say I had some amazing friends, but I don't feel I do anymore. I've recently been unable to accept them for who they are and it means all I see are flaws. One of my friends constantly considers her boyfriend(s) over me; another has delusions of grandeur and can't stop trying to tell me his life is better than mine. I think I've forgotten how to tolerate people. Or, more than that, how to love them when I find things annoying. When things are annoying, I end up thinking that means we're incompatible, and then I stop making any effort, because, logically speaking, why bother?

Take out the "logically speaking" and that sounds horrible. In fact, leave it in and out sounds horrible. I don't want to be that person, and yet here I am, getting pickier and pickier about who I choose to spend my time with. It's funny: I'm getting more picky about friends and less picky about food. I thought I'd grow out of being picky about both, tbh.

At the same time, I'm still undeniably single. I can't help feeling the two are related.

I'd appreciate any ideas, by the way. I really would. Right now I just want to sit down and cry about it. I think I'm doing this "people thing" wrong. Maybe I'm not saying enough, maybe I'm saying too much, I have no idea.

Comments

[gonewithoutjam.livejournal.com]

can't stop trying to tell me his life is better than mine

Sounds pretty damn annoying to me. I'm an intolerant bitch with no friends, but still, I think the point stands.

[ellieet.livejournal.com]

Hi, sweetheart. :) I've been thinking long and hard about your post and I've now got some time to reply.

And you know, I don't think you have to expect to be happy. It makes sense that you would expect it - but I read a quotation earlier to say that said, 'it's what you think,' not where you are or who you are. And you're a sensible person - you're striking out in the world and you've done brilliantly. But don't beat yourself up for not being happy. You're just finding your way.

I know what it's like to remember how things were when you were happy. I've been deeply unhappy over the last few months and still am, really and am looking back wistfully on those times when I was happy. I don't think I've been properly happy for some time. So yes, I can seriously empathise with your feelings.

And true, it's possible you may be a little lonely because you're single. But focus on you, yourself, first and foremost. Sometimes I think I'd feel better if I had someone, but then I remember that I need to consider myself and give myself a helping hand.

Just take your time, and see what happens. :)